Voicemails

HEY, I wrote something for my writing portfolio. It’s a fiction piece titled Voicemails, and it was super fun to write and super different than anything I’ve written before. Check it out, feedback is awesome too! DISCLAIMER: It’s pretty long!

Voicemails – Fiction

June 21st, 2015 3:01 AM

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. It’s three in the morning, why on earth is an unknown number calling me at three in the morning. But uh, hi, it’s me, Pat. I don’t even really know why I’m calling. I know you’re probably panicked to see a voicemail from me, especially one made this late – or early, as you would say. Everything’s fine, though. No need to panic. Wait – I know you’re about to delete this because it’s not important but wait please hear me out. I won’t take up too much time. I just needed to talk to you. I just – fuck.

Hi, uh, it’s me again. Listen I’m sorry for hanging up before, or ending the voicemail or whatever. I just, I guess I figured you probably would’ve stopped listening by then and I couldn’t remember what I was going to say. I was too focused on the fact you had stopped listening. I hope you’re still listening. I’m sorry. You were always the one who was good with words and I had my foot in my mouth. Some things never change. Your voicemail sounds so professional now, I’d say something playful or witty but I don’t think I have that privilege anymore. And that’s okay. I’m just, I don’t know, Jess, I’m really proud of you for everything you’ve done. You’re making such a great imprint on the world and I don’t know…it’s just all so surprising. Not that I didn’t think you could do it, I just didn’t think it was possible! I mean, not that you weren’t capable of it because if anyone’s capable it’s you! Fuck – I’m saying all the wrong things.

Hi, Jess. Okay. Three voicemails just to say I fucking miss you. Shit, sorry, that was blunt but it’s almost three-thirty and I’ve had to leave three voicemails because I just love the taste of my foot I guess. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. You don’t need to wake up to me blabbering on while you have bigger, better, greater things to do and places to be. What do you guys even do on Sunday mornings? I feel like Saturdays were the big news days and Sundays are kind of that relaxed day to prepare for Monday. I’m probably completely wrong, I wish things didn’t happen the way they did. I would give anything to still have those early morning talks over coffee in your kitchen. You telling me all the fascinating things going on in your life and me complimenting you every other sentence for being so much smarter than I am. You’re amazing, Jess. I can’t say it enough. I know you’ve never been one to openly accept compliments. Maybe you are now, I don’t know. I’m sorry I walked away. I shouldn’t have walked away. I’m so sorry.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself, wow, they’re the one? Jess is the one. I knew it since the first conversation, the first shared coffee in that mediocre coffee shop, the first kiss. I’ve known she was my light since the first adventure, the first holiday together, the first argument. She lit a fire in me that I had never discovered before. She knew where all my buttons were and played them like a piano with well-polished hands. Her hands…god her hands fit so perfectly in mind it was like a puzzle: two pieces that were made for the sole purpose of fitting together. But what I failed to realize was our place, our beautiful place in the puzzle of life. I am an edge piece. I stand tall on the outside reaching out for her and only her. She takes her beautiful hands in mine and we create a masterpiece together. But she is an inside piece. She has other sides, other beautiful sides that reach out to other people and welcome in the creation of another picture. I lost her a year ago today. She wanted more from me, her hometown sweetheart who aspired for nothing higher than your average nine to five job. I didn’t much care for the fast-paced excitement, the hustle-and-bustle, the city that never sleeps. I liked sleep. I liked her more. But I couldn’t change, I couldn’t just take her in my arms and give her everything she dreamed of. So I left.

I left her in her fuzzy blue slippers, her kitchen a mess, our glasses shattered on the floor with the remains of her cinnamon white hot chocolate a puddle near the fridge. It was 11:37 at night and I was falling asleep – she wanted to talk about the future. Where we would live, what would we do, how would we afford things – my eyelids were heavy with the lull of gin and a full stomach. I said I wasn’t interested in the future. She said she wasn’t interested in me.

Jess had stars in her eyes and a galaxy in her mind. She shot for the moon with everything she did and if she missed she’d aim higher and farther. A few months later she packed her bags and moved to the city that never sleeps. I didn’t follow, I didn’t fight. I let her go, but she took my dignity, my self respect, my adoration, and my heart with her. So while she’s off making her dreams a reality, I’m sitting on my kitchen floor drinking her cinnamon white hot chocolate and gin, putting my shattered iPhone to my cheek and listening to her say the same phrase for the fourth time.

Hi it’s Jessica Malloe, I am unable to pick up the phone right now but if you leave a name and number, I will get back to you as soon as possible.

*beep*

Last one, I promise. I just have to get this off my chest and then I will disappear. I love you Jess, okay? I am so insanely in love with you and everything you do. The days change, people change, the weather changes but I will never stop loving you. You’re the most driven, passionate, loving person I have ever met and that will never change. I know you never wanted to settle and I hope you never do. I’d love to tell you how much this has changed me, how many nights I’ve spent staring at the bottom of an empty bottle willing myself to not open another. I’d love to share how much I’ve done since I’ve quit drinking, knowing it was taking me down a path I’d be ashamed of. I don’t expect you to take any of it as more than a simple update, or even something to remember. I just, I don’t know, I want you to know. I really hope wherever you are right now, whoever you’re with, whatever you’re doing, you’re happy. And I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you need. Thank you for listening if you have up to now. I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted and more, goodnight Jess.

June 22nd, 2015 8:03 PM

Have you ever had an experience that has made you stop in your tracks, your mouth instantly dry up, and your heart jump right up to the back of your throat?
Hey, Pat? Hi… it’s Jess. I got your voicemails.

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